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MacBeth lolmac wrote in bethinexile
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Twelve Characters Part Two
This is Part Two of Three.  I still haven't managed to fill the final prompt in this mad spree, nor have I given up on it, so there will be a third installment with the last handful of prompts.

The Characters, again:

1. MacGyver
2. the Tenth Doctor
3. Kokopelli
4. Jack O’Neill
5. the Fourth Doctor
6. House (from House, MD)
7. the Third Doctor
8. the Kraken
9. Teal’c
10. Spider Grandmother (Kóhk’ang Wuhti)
11. Murdoc
12. Taliesin

What would be your plot device of choice for a fic involving Teal’c and MacGyver?
They’d make a great buddy team for Surviving a Wilderness Journey On Limited Resources, probably while Bonding With Their Respective Sons.  For bonus points, they get hunted by a Dastardly Villain With a Vendetta (and kick his ass, of course).

If MacGyver and Jack O’Neill decided to get together and pull off a jewel heist, how would that go?
One word:  BADLY.
In more than one word:  the bickering is epic, the motivation for the jewel heist isn’t nearly good enough to satisfy Mac, and Jack refuses to leave his firearms behind.

What might Murdoc say to compliment House?
Probably something about how House also gets paid to fuck with people’s heads and do things to them that really ought to be lethal, and never actually gets arrested for it.

Murdoc has to save the world from Spider Grandmother. Is the world saved or doomed?
And probably better off being doomed by Spider Grandmother than saved by Murdoc.  You’ve got to have some standards.

[Follow link] to generate a random poem. The second line is now the title of a fic about Teal’c and Murdoc. What’s the plot?

The title is from Emily Dickenson:  Death, the only One

The fic goes back to that buddies-in-the-wilderness scenario with Teal’c and MacGyver.  Murdoc shows up, possibly working for the Dastardly Villain With a Vendetta, but more likely working at cross-purposes against him.

After the fight scene with Mac ends in Murdoc’s inevitable fall from a great height, Teal’c tracks Murdoc down and makes sure he’s dead this time, because hey, only one death, enough already!  Then they all relax, at which point the real Dastardly Villain With a Vendetta springs his Cunning Trap.

The first set of prompts from my F-list:

Idlewild (first of two): Taliesin is teaching House how to use a household appliance of your choice. House has a vested interest in making the teaching process go slowly for some reason.

Taliesin doesn’t know how to use many household appliances, since they haven’t yet been invented.  His idea of a household appliance is flint and steel.  Or possibly a tuning key.

So – Taliesin tries to teach House how to use a tuning key (the kind he uses on his harp) to tune House’s piano, which is, after all, just a large harp turned sideways and encumbered with an oversized soundbox and a quite clever striking mechanism (although the whole thing is ridiculously impractical, because it’s too heavy to carry around with you and who wants to be stuck in the same place?)

Anyway.  House is not interested in tuning his own piano.  He hires a piano tuner to do that.  Taliesin can’t figure out why an obviously gifted musician doesn’t tune his own instrument.

This presumably happens after the talent show/jam session, when Taliesin is staying at House’s place between studio sessions.

Clocketpatch: The Tenth Doctor and Kokopelli get into an argument during what should be a mundane shopping trip. What is the argument about, and how does Murdoc solve it?

They’re shopping for groceries, for tea. The Doctor is not getting along very well with Kokopelli, who can’t stop making detailed observations about the potential sexual uses of everything they get, from the tea itself (stimulant) and the biscuits (aphrodisiac) to the jam (lube).

It really gets bad when they need to select cucumbers for the cucumber sandwiches. Because cucumbers.

Fortunately, Murdoc pops in and tries to kill the greengrocer. Foiling him distracts the Doctor nicely. By the time that’s settled, Kokopelli has successfully hit on one of the other shoppers (they ducked under the same counter and found out that the close quarters were agreeable), and has gone home with him and a selection of the very best cucumbers.

Campy: MacGyver cooks the Fourth Doctor in a stew and serves it to the Third Doctor.

Well, Mac would never actually cook a person in a stew, so clearly this is figurative.

The Fourth Doctor gets into a stew about some stupid thing someone is doing that’s endangering the universe – probably an ill-judged technological experiment that goes haywire and threatens the fabric of space-time, or the viability of all life on Earth, or both. MacGyver is there because the Phoenix Foundation also had doubts about the safety of the experiment, and has been monitoring it.

Mac, naturally, doesn’t expect a technologically advanced alien to pop up in a locked facility in the middle of a desperate emergency involving runaway haywire doomsday technology. His ad hoc widget for shutting the experiment down shorts out when the Doctor appears, delivering a massive electrical shock to the Doctor, leaving Mac with an apparently cooked bystander. On the bright side, the experimental apparatus is also cooked.

As Mac is stamping out the odd residual fire and suffering from angst over the unexpected casualty, the Third Doctor appears. Two different incarnations had noticed the problem and responded; the Fourth got there first (yes, Who’s on first remains a difficult conundrum).

The Third Doctor grumbles at his future self for being so careless and also for forgetting that he’d already been there, reverses the polarity of his neutron flow so that he’ll recover from the jolt, cheerfully reassures a distraught Mac that the apparently cooked intruder will be fine, checks the experiment to make sure that it’s well and truly melted down, delivers a load of technological gibberish to the scientist whose carelessness caused the emergency, and departs with a sweep of his opera cape.

The Fourth Doctor wakes up, still in a stew, and very cross because his scarf got singed by the electrical discharge. He delivers another scathing load of technological gibberish to the entirely bewildered scientist and warns him not to do it again. He pokes his nose at the remains of MacGyver’s ad hoc widget, admires the ingenuity, pockets a random component for later study, and says he’d like a cup of tea before he goes. He’s a bit disappointed when all Mac has is chai.

I'm so glad I didn't request Murdoc.

Well, Murdoc could certainly have gotten into a stew. But yeah, I'm glad he didn't end up as the chef.

Teal'c and MacGyver would be EPIC. With or without dastardly villains.

Epic indeed!

Oh good lord, I'd hate to try to teach House anything!

I quite want to read the Mac&Jack jewel heist ... :D

Edited at 2015-01-04 06:00 (UTC)

I did kind of choke and cough when I checked the numbers and found out just who was supposed to be learning -- although having him immediately prove obstructive was certainly in character!

Then I started trying to think of anything Taliesin would know about that could possibly be called a "household appliance". o_O

I suppose an alternative would be something like:

Taliesin: Look! Isn't this wonderful?

House: Seen it.

T: Look, you put this bread in -- and the bread is already sliced! What an amazing idea! Then you press this key thing down, and there's a coil of wire inside that heats up just like a coal, and --

H: Not listening.

T: -- and the bread comes out toasted!

H: Where's the damned coffee?

T: What's coffee?

[House glares at him.]

H: All right, tell me. Just what the hell are you drinking from that mug, if you're not drinking coffee?

T: Beer, of course.

H: Beer for breakfast.

T: Well, yes. I know, most people prefer wine, but I've always thought beer made a better start to the day.

H: Okay, maybe you're not a moron after all.

Teal'c & MacGyver would be amazing! :)


I love you.

It's the cucumbers that did it, isn't it?

The jam as lube started it. The cucumbers clenched it.

Then there was Four-stew and a scorched scarf.



I'm kind of worried about what's going to happen to Ten whenever him and Kokopelli get around to having that tea party. O_o


Well, Mac would never actually cook a person in a stew, so clearly this is figurative.


I think Kokopelli has skipped out on the tea party, so unless he decides to pop back in, the Tenth Doctor is probably safe to invite someone less likely to make embarrassing and inappropriate conversation.